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Of all things that make humans face their mortality time has to be it. We timestamp every part of our lives. For most of society, it is easily accessible via a social media wall. The timeline is when we anticipate completing certain tasks. As is well-known expectation looms over our heads on a daily basis, and if we don’t complete such tasks at this time we have missed the train. Not really. Is it normal to have certain expectations to do things? Without a doubt. It is necessary to have certain goals to attain for ourselves. This is important, items we wish to attain OURSELVES. They are self-made items, finish school, find a job that makes you happy and can see yourself retiring in 40 years from now, maybe have a family, travel the world, learn how to dance the floss. What happens if you lose yourself in these ideas? If the thought of flossing all over the bar becomes obsessive. The dynamic changes. Instead of the idea being a seed that stems from strong roots it becomes a weed. Instead of the focus being on growing into the accomplishments ourselves, it morphs into just wanting to check the accomplishment off our list, or worse. We seek for others to timestamp those accomplishments for us. We don’t value that person, we don’t need to get to know them or their dreams. We just need desire satisfied, and they have proven to be the person that can give us the life we want.
The Lady or the Tiger
Whatever happened to the natural rhythm to things? You meet someone, you dig for common ground, set up shop. If there is a spark you add fire to the furnace and warm things up. Today, it seems the majority play with the fire instead of basking in it. Human relations have no order or time limit to things, yet we have decided it’s best to do what society says and rush. Being we are in a rush to get married, rush to buy the house, rush to get around the world in 80 days, we have focused on finding a person to support that lifestyle of living in a rush instead of what’s really important. Choosing a life partner. A life partner is someone who is not in a rush to chase after the Jones’s. A life partner is just that, someone willing to build a life of timely progress with you. WITH YOU. They get to know your ins and outs ups and downs and takes real time to get past your psychological barriers, help you patch up your wounds, stand by to support you, while you chase away your flaws, build healthy boundaries, and detox toxicities. A life partner encourages you while YOU attain your own goals for yourself. Your life partner should be on the same train. Working to cross off their list on their own with you as a support, not an expectation to hand anything to them. We all have to earn our place in the world that includes a spot in someone else’s life. Friend, significant other or even foe we have to earn it, and so do they. Someone who is out to maintain a lifestyle won’t do more than maintain an image. Are you in a rush to maintain an image?
I Love Me, This Helps Me Love You
Amongst the long list of reasons I have played the love game as the poster child for Forever Alone for the last seven years, this is the number one reason why. Fate has sent me people who have no self-love. I had no self-love for a long time because no one showed me I needed to love me before I can love anyone else. I didn’t know it existed. Until we learn our own needs fate teaches us by example of who and what not to be. I used these experiences as positive ones. In the darkness and toxicity of potential mates, temporary friends, and old friends who had lost their way, they trusted me enough to show me how they were broken. Some asked me to stay while they repaired themselves. Most took the initiative, others took longer but tried, and some let anxiety win the battle. The take away here is to understand who loves you for you, who loves what you can give them, and who is willing to save themselves. All human relationships will require you carry someone from time to time. If you can’t learn to save yourself you shouldn’t expect anyone to save you. If you find someone who is incapable of saving themselves, best believe they will let you drown. We all have the capability to be the hero, just save yourself first.
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The post Decoding: Love vs the Life You Can Give Them appeared first on The Good Men Project.